Friday, February 19, 2010
★★★½ LADY VENGEANCE
Chinjeolhan geumjassi
a.k.a. Sympathy for Lady Vengeance, My Lady Vengeance, Shed Tears for Lady Vengeance, Kind-Hearted Ms. Geum-Ja
Directed by Chan-wook Park
cast: Yeong-ae Lee, Min-sik Choi, Tony Barry, Anne Cordiner, Su-hee Go, Hye-jeong Kang, Bu-seon Kim, Byeong-ok Kim, Shi-hoo
2005 - South Korea
112 minutes
Thursday, February 18, 2010
★½ THE JAIL: WOMEN'S HELL
Directed by Bruno Mattei (as Vincent Dawn)
written by Antonio Tentori
Cast: Dyane Craystan, Jim Gaines, Odette Khan, Mike Monty, Amelie Pontailler, Yvette Yzon
2006 - Italy
94 minutes
★★★ WOMEN OF DEVIL'S ISLAND (1962)
Le prigioniere dell'isola del diavolo
a.k.a. Przesluchanie , Island of Imprisoned Women, Women Prisoner's of Devil's Island
directed by Domenico Paolella
written by Ernesto Gastaldi and Domenico Paolella
cast: Guy Madison, Michele Mercier, Paul Muller,Marisa Belli
1962 - Italy | France86 minutes
written by Ernesto Gastaldi and Domenico Paolella
cast: Guy Madison, Michele Mercier, Paul Muller,Marisa Belli
1962 - Italy | France86 minutes
Saturday, February 13, 2010
★★½ SASORI
Directed by Joe Ma
Cast: Miki Mizuno, Dylan Kuo, Emme Wong
2008 - Japan
101 minutes
101 minutes
In this version, housewife Sasori (Miki Mizuno) becomes the victim of some psychotic thugs hired by a wealthy bioengineer to assassinate her father in-law. These thrill kill super villains like to get their kicks as well, so they force her to kill noodle-happy dad and the sister in-law while her cop husband (Dylan Kuo) watches. By some inexplicable comic logic, she never explains who forced her to do it and the husband never saw the four fashion foes standing in their house!
I have a sneaking suspicion that the end of this film was shot first then the production ran out of money. Other than the lighting, the first hour of Sasori looks like a 50 buck budget and contains so many annoying fading, zooming and dissolving jump cuts punctuated by loud sound effects it almost induces seizures. The prison sequence is so no-frills that the number designating Sassori as the infamous prisoner 701 appears to be written in Sharpie on a “Hello my name is” sticker! The last 30 minutes resembles a completely different film with a 500K budget and better crew. There are even plot revelations in the end that were never set up in the beginning, so they don’t make any sense. What the hell?!
Friday, February 12, 2010
★½ JOURNEY AMONG WOMEN
Written & Directed by Tom Cowan
Cast: June Pritchard, Martin Phelan, Nell Campbell
1977 - Austrailia
93 minutes
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
★★½ The Green-Eyed Blonde (1957)
BIG BUST OUT: The Green-Eyed Blonde (1957) Full Review
The inmates hide the toddler and form stronger bonds from the new responsibilities of motherhood and Betsy finally warms up to her kid, but the staff eventually becomes suspicious when the girls constantly break into loud group singing to cover the babies crying and Renie (Beverly Long) is busted burying soiled diapers made from the disappearing linen. The baby is found in the possession of Greeneye and taken to an orphanage resulting in a massive and quite impressive reform school riot.
For you Trekies out there, Susan Oliver went on to play Nina in the two part STAR TREK Menagerie episodes. Producer Martin Melcher would go on to squander Doris Day's money in bad investments, turn down the offer for old Doris to play Mrs. Robinson in THE GRADUATE (without her knowledge) and die right after signing his wife to a CBS TV series (without her consent). Obviously, Melcher liked to live up to the high moral codes of the pictures he produced.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
PSA: You could be having sex right now.
Every once in awhile, I'll be visiting my therapist, the shiny keg handles at the bar, and some sad sack sits next to me and complains about their inability to obtain a girlfriend, which is basically another way of saying they can't get laid. We are all animals and built within us is the natural physical and psychological desire to reproduce or as Al Green would say "Get it On". Sex isn’t a problem for the female species who only have to say, “Wanna go fuck in that supply closet?”
Bangin’ broads comes natural to many men but how does someone who wears a Spock uniform engage in Pon Farr without enlisting the help of a Klingon pimp? Well, it's pretty simple. First take off the fucking Vulcan ears and I'll teach you something I did learn in college.
Bangin’ broads comes natural to many men but how does someone who wears a Spock uniform engage in Pon Farr without enlisting the help of a Klingon pimp? Well, it's pretty simple. First take off the fucking Vulcan ears and I'll teach you something I did learn in college.
STEP 1:
Clean up your place and buy the nicest bedding you can afford. Purchase the following: 1 box of lubricated condoms, 1 low wattage soft light bulb, 1 bottle of good red wine, 1 six pack of special release microbrew, 1 six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon and the necessary ingredients to make mojitos.
STEP 2: Practice making a good mojito. Make some mixed CD's of various genres of shit you hate. Do some research and find out what people think is good. Nothing they may find obscure, loud or new. Slow nostalgia is what you're going to need.
STEP 3: Wash some decent clothes. Take a shower. Cut your nails. Get a haircut if you have to.
STEP 4: Do not drink anything. At 11:00 PM put on a porno film. Nothing weird. Watch this film from beginning to end without touching yourself or having a drink.
STEP 5: Brush your teeth. Change the light bulb in your bedroom. Leave it on with the door open. Position your sofa to face the bedroom. Now drive to the bar or club that is most likely to have an event that would interest single women.
STEP 6: Have your first drink. Survey the women in the bar to determine who you want to engage. These ladies are intoxicated so you look better than you actually are. If you feel that you are a 7 on the old 1-10 scale than you are probably a 5 that currently looks like a 7 to this boozed up crowd with a three hour head start. This is important. You want to pick someone who is the same on the scale as you currently appear. If you are a 3 in reality don't go looking past a 5 or your success rate will drop by 40%. Never go for an 8-10. It will just be annoying later or get derailed by someone better looking than you. If you must go after a woman in a pack, choose the least desirable or she will probably cock block you later. Your hormones should be raging now and a second drink will boost your confidence into a focused determination to achieve the task at hand.
STEP 7: Engage said target with a compliment and be the one to leave the conversation. Have another drink. If target approaches then buy her a drink. Listen to everything that comes out of her mouth. The only thing coming out of your mouth should be humorous and not full of obscure references. If conversation hits the 10 minute mark start steering it towards different types of alcohol. When conversation reaches 20-30 minute mark, it should be around last call and suggest having a drink at your place which you have already stocked. "I make the best mojitos", "I have a special microbrew that hasn't been released yet" or "My uncle owns a vineyard and gave me a special vintage that I've been saving for a special occasion". Some bullshit like that.
STEP 8: If you don't own a decent car, you should have rented or borrowed one. Anyway, back at your place break out the alcohol, start the pot of coffee and put on the CD with the genre of music she is interested in. When going to get your second drink, make a move. It will work. I've gotten you a live intoxicated woman who has been listening to her favorite music in your place and staring at a nicely lit bedroom. You're on fire from the porno. If you can’t pull this off, become a monk and get fiddled by old men.
STEP 9: After fornicating like the cheap nasty animal you are, get a cup of coffee. Offer her one and explain that you have to go to work and can drop her off on the way.
Now if something compelled you to become interested in this woman have her spend the night. Chances are she is going to wake up screaming and feel ashamed for getting’ porked by a hideous mud troll. Always abort your mission if you find during the course of conversation that the she owns more than 1 cat. You do not want them knowing where you live and despite being better looking they will stalk you.
If you truly are looking for a relationship, lure her back with a common interest such as marijuana or records. Hell, I don’t know what your into, just be honest from the start. Get to know her and make a good impression. Suggest having dinner and take her somewhere classy and fun.
If you're trying to keep a woman, listen more, make confident decisions, spend less money on yourself, clean yourself up, learn a new clam lickin' move, and go down on her one time without asking for any form of reciprocation. If that doesn't work, you shouldn't be together anyway. That’s about it. Anyone can get laid or fall in love for a period of time.
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