★½ THE JAIL: WOMEN'S HELL

Directed by Bruno Mattei (as Vincent Dawn)

written by Antonio Tentori 

Cast: Dyane Craystan, Jim Gaines, Odette Khan, Mike Monty, Amelie Pontailler, Yvette Yzon

2006 - Italy

94 minutes

Bruno, Bruno, Bruno. A year before his death, 74 year old director Bruno Mattei returned to the W.I.P. genre for this shot on video craptasterpiece. Made in the Philippines with a cast resembling the islands’ best pimps and hos, one has to imagine the script was written on a cocktail napkin the night before principal videography began. The plot, if any, goes something like this: Three women are sent bysteamboat to an undisclosed jungle prison called "The Home of Lost Souls". Here they experience the usual beatings, whippings, cat fights and humiliations. The butch warden has a deal on the side with a local pimp who forces them to dance in bikinis at a nightclub and sexually service the patrons. Tired of cages, rape, torture and rats, the girls kill the resident snitch and escape into the jungle. The pimp learns of the bust outbeforehand and arranges the ol' MOST DANGEROUS GAME bit for some of his clients. Complete with cannibal tribe guides, they stalk the inmates and butcher them in what feels to be Bruno's attempt to top Umberto Lenzi's MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY.

THE JAIL: WOMEN'S HELL is packed with both naked and ripped flesh, but also contains some of the worst acting and head banging dialogue I have ever experienced. Seriously, this makes MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE seem like Masterpiece Theater. Screenwriter Antonio Tentori (A CAT IN THE BRAIN) must be a 12 year old from Compton because he uses the word "Bitches" more than the entire N.W.A. discography. Then there’s the score. That goddamned score. It's a 90 second rip of the Empire's theme from STAR WARS on a loop through the whole film regardless of the scene! . Drunk college kids could probably invent a drinking game with this gorefest, but I'm convinced this flick will cause cancer quicker than the gruel at Georgia Southern University’s Landrum Hall. Originally screened at the Marché du Film in Cannes, THE JAIL: A WOMEN'S HELL was never picked up for distribution and is only available on a Czech bootleg DVD. If you would like to buy the rights to this film for any territory on the planet, you can contact FilmExport Group s.r.l. You could change the dialogue, add a plot, put your band on the soundtrack or make an obscure reference to your alma mater. Anything would be an improvement. It pains me to give a film in which a woman's breast is hacked off and the fatty tissue within sucked out by a sicko such a low rating but It's one big aural mental retardation. No wonder Bruno died of a brain tumor. I feel one coming on!