★★★ VIRGIN APOCALYPSE

a.k.a.  Angels with Golden Guns , Terror in a Woman's Prison , Anger

Directed by: Pasan a.k.a. Pasha, Leung Poeh
Cast: Eva Bisset, Gigi Bruce, Emma Yeung, Loretta Lee (Loretta Leone in some versions) Nam Kwong Lau (a.k.a. Billy Lau), Danny Law

If you want to put your mind through a wood chipper, view a film produced and distributed by IFD Films & Arts Limited.

Joseph Lai inherited a studio with hundreds of unfinished and unreleased films sitting around collecting dust. Lai and his brother in law Godfrey Ho made a career of shooting new footage and inserting it into these reels. Often releasing one or two films a month over the past 30 years, there are so many director pseudonyms, made up cast names, shady dealings and alternate titles that I highly doubt anyone could produce an accurate filmography for IFD.

Sometimes their cut and paste technique works and sometimes it doesn't. Rarely boring with plenty of aneurysm inducing dialogue these films often contain the following formula: sex + violence + kung fu + numerous "What the Fuck?" moments = IFD.

If you love scraping the bottom of the celluloid barrel, digging deeper than Ted V. Mikels, Andy Milligan and Jess Franco, then grab a snorkel because there's a wealth of treasure to be brought up from Joseph Lai's briny deep.

Virgin Apocalypse appears to be the merger of two films with some additional shorter scenes thrown in. The plot involves a detective investigating a gay photographer who sells women to a crime boss so he can throw them into a jungle prison / brothel. Three of the women stage a bloody riot which kills around 100 people. After their escape, they team up with the detective for a gang killing spree and eventually learn the crime boss is the detective's brother.

Sound's pretty simple right? Well, it took me two sober viewings to figure this thing out.

Remember the WTF element I was talking about? It's in full effect. There are characters who walk in and never return, plot lines dropped, nude interpretive dance, discotheques, snake torture, whacking testicles with chopsticks, strip poker, a prostitute kicking out a john because he's a lousy lay, firecrackers being tied to a penis, a guy hung upside down and drowned in a bathtub, foot fetishism, Asians with Australian accents, a hundred girl cat fight, two guys wrapped up like mummies fighting with a straight razor, a live pig decapitated and a hot n steamy lovemaking session interrupted by a zombie!

You also get bad dubbing, actors walking out of frame and dialogue like, "You bitch! I'm no bitch, she's a dirty bitch and the bitch has it coming so shut up bitch." Every torture scene has to have three people laughing at the victim and all kung fu kicks sound identical.

The work of IFD is a required taste. You'll know from the first frame if it's your cinematic smack or not. I love this garbage. If you don't like it, it's alright. I understand. For those of you who want to take the IFD plunge, Virgin Apocalypse is pretty good but I recommend starting with the 1982 films Wolf Devil Woman and Golden Queen's Commandos. For those of you who watch with bongs next to your chair, you can add two stars to my modest rating.

Torrents for just about every IFD film can be found on Cinemageddon'swebsite. Bitorrent not your bag? Then try the Video Screams DVD-R catalog.